Saturday, November 9, 2013

'You can love yourself. It's allowed. '

I am more than a list of qualities or imperfections.
It's taken me a long time to realize I'm more than just  a list of traits. I'm more than what I perceive myself to be. I'm more than what others perceive me to be. Even if they see me with rose colored glasses, I am even greater than that, because I am a daughter of God.

I think it's really important that just accept the person we are, and embrace the possibilities we have inside of us. That we really, truly can be more than we can ever imagine.

I have this thing about me, I can't lie. Like, it's really hard for me. I also am a very expressive person, so if something it weird, I'll make a face, if something is funny, I will laugh, when I feel nervous, I make awkward noises, if I want to carry my lunch in an Avengers lunch box, it's in my hands.  I am who I am, and sometimes I get nervous about that. I have this weird combination of not caring what people think, but also caring what people think. I want people to like me, but I want them to like me for who I am. Sometimes, it's really confusing being Nichelle. I'm strangely confident in the weird things about myself, but then I worry that those weird things are too weird. If worrying were an Olympic event, I would be the champ of champs.

But, why should I worry about showing people who I really am? Why should I worry about people knowing that I dance around to Disney songs when my roommates are gone, why should I worry that sometimes I go to my parents house just to sleep. (Also, for future reference, if you text me in the middle of the day, and I don't answer within 30 minutes, I'm taking a nap.) I think it's really hard for us to accept ourselves for who we are, to be confident with our personality, to be grateful for our bodies, to laugh at our quirks, to embrace our flaws, to celebrate our potential. Our capacity to do great things doesn't end. Our capacity to love doesn't end. And that includes loving ourselves. In the context that I am writing, pride isn't an issue. I feel most of us are far too critical of ourselves to be worried about being prideful. You can love yourself. It's allowed.

I love people. I love getting to know people. But, I am also shy. I tend to look at that as a weakness, but I've realized lately that it's not. I don't create a friendship unless it's real. I don't let people in halfway, I'm not a surface friend. I either care about you, or I don't know you yet. So, the times when I'm most critical of myself, I realize I'm not allowing myself to really know who I am. If I truly understood my worth, then I wouldn't be so harsh with myself. I would be tender like I am with those I care about. It is just as important for me to love myself, as it is to love those around me.

Do most people struggle with self confidence? Or is that just me? Maybe I just spend too much time with myself and I'm fully aware of all the weaknesses I have. Shouldn't I be fully aware of the good things about myself as well? Why is it okay to be so hard on ourselves? It really is just a dumb idea. Yes, we are human, yes, we have flaws. But, who said you had to be perfect to be wonderful. If we are striving forward, looking up, having hope, taking that leap of faith, pursing dreams, lifting others, isn't that enough to make us wonderful. Our strengths and our weaknesses make us who we are.

Having a bum leg is a weakness, but it is definitely a strength when you are at Disneyland.

Trials and obstacles don't have to be negative. You don't have to be perfect, you can be perfectly you. It doesn't matter if your life has gone the way you hoped, what matters is what you do with the life you've been given. 

It's okay to trust yourself, it's okay to trust God. He loves you, if you don't love who you are, rely on his love. "The trials and tribulation that we experience may be the very things that guide us to come unto Him..." (source) God is giving you experiences because he loves you, because he trusts you. Don't doubt who you are, because those who really know you don't. Life can be hard, life can be painful, but if you trust in what you can't see about yourself, you'll do great things. There is more to you than you are allowing yourself to understand. 

God loves you, I know that, because I know Him. If you don't believe that you are wonderful, rely on someone else's faith in you until you discover that for yourself. You get one chance, you get one life, live it well, and live it fully. Don't be the person that holds you back. 

Trust that good things are in store for you, trust that good things are happening to you, trust that you are deserving of the blessings you have. Don't be afraid to embrace who you are, and who you can be. Because, you are completely wonderful.

1 comment:

  1. It's late and I don't know where to start commenting, but just know that I love this and relate to so, so much of it. And I think that wheelchair was a fantastic blessing at Disneyland :)